"Romeo, save me. I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you, but you never come.
Is this in my head? I don't know what you're thinking.
He knealt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
'Marry me, Juliet. You'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress.
It's a love story, baby, just say yes.'"

05.15.06

I close my eyes, and the flashback starts.

Wow... I haven't been on xanga for a while now. It's changed a lot... I don't know if I like it haha. Anyway, that's beside the point. I'm not really sure if anyone really reads these things anymore, but for those who do, hello! Summer of 2008 has come and go so quickly... school's right around the corner for goodness sakes! I don't know if I'm ready to go back. By all means, I miss all my friends at Rutgers... I feel like I haven't seen anyone in ages! Then again, I'll really miss the laid-back feeling and most importantly, the boyfriend. We're growing up so quickly! I know next semester's gonna be tough for me `=/. I can't even begin to explain how difficult it will be, but I'm glad that I finally get to bring the car over to Rutgers... and on top of that, my boyfriend has a car! You know what that means?! Going back home or him coming to Rutgers will be sooooo much easier! I'm scared for school... I'm taking classes, doing stuff for my sorority, while at the same time trying to study for the MCAT since I have to take it in April. I really need to do EXTREMELY well this semester and also for the MCATs. After attending this Summer Medical and Dental Educational Program at UMDNJ, it made me realize how badly I want to be a doctor. I got to feel what it's like to take med school classes, and the best part of all, handling cadavers!! I think that's what worried me the most about being a doctor... I didn't know whether I could handle the cutting. But when I got the hands-on experience, it was amazing. That's what convinced me that I could do this! Well, enough of that.

On another note, I celebrated my July birthday in August this year. Of course, on the day of my actual birthday, my boyfriend managed to make it special. We watched The Dark Knight at the IMAX in NY, he gave me my presents `xD, and we had dinner with la familia. I feel like he and I are always competing with each other and trying to outdo the year before, as far as presents go. For instance, the first birthday we had together (`06), I gave him this mp3 player and in return, he gets me Air Forces. The year after, I got him a GPS and swimming trunks and in return, he got me the Wii. This year, I gave him Rock Band, Ray Ban shades, an electric shaver, and a cover for his IPOD and in return, he gave me a digital camera, two Jordans, and an iHome alarm clock. Gosh... at this rate, I don't know how he's ever gonna pay off all my loans `=P. I love this kid and I'd give him the world if I could. I celebrated my 20th bday partying it up at my house like usual... thank goodness cause it's the last! We're taking it to the club/bar next year!.. no more cleaning up! haha. I am so grateful for all the people who came to my party... and a bigger thanks to the siblings who made it possible! They're the ones who paid for everything, helped set up, and clean up. I loved all my presents!.. thank you Biggie, Big, Twin, syands (Josh and Nate), Davidson! thanks to my darling best friends Nervz and Auds!... and to all my kappas! Thanks to Lien and Josh for making it even though they were so tired. Big thanks to my PPGs, cat and jakki, for actually coming through. For all those who got me drinks...thanks a bunch! And just an overall thank you to all those who showed up! Although I didn't appreciate part of the night hahahahaha. Below are just a couple of pictures from the party.

my darling savior

<3 sisters

doyyyyy toy!

best friend #1

Power Puff Girls

with my McNair and Layug ladies

Lien and Josh!

i <3 biggieeee!

the main reason i miss RU

Twin and Big! they're such sweethearts.

extended lineee

bffs... 3 of the Finest 4

the only pic i got with my brother lol... i do love my anorak though `=P!

I can clearly say... life is good.

My boyfriend and I are practically reaching our 1 year and a half anniversary. I've saved so much stuff from our past that it's impossible to forget how we started and how we got here. To digress, you ever wonder why we're put here on Earth only to leave it sooner or later? Ever get so frightened about what's to come in the after life? Well honestly, I get those curiosities a lot only because everytime I'm with Chris, I quiver at the thought of not being in his arms. I feel like I'm having a good dream when I'm with him, and that if I do wake up from it, I would never be the same. I feel like finding him was my purpose, and now that I've found him, I can do what I please and nothing can stop me. I love him. He helps me feel safe and keeps it that way. I adore him. I just can't wait for the day we live together. I want to wake up beside him. I want to make sure he's not going anywhere.

God, I can never thank you enough.

If you miss a person as much as me, you'll probably spend your nights trying to get your mind off him. Not me, I spend my nights missing him more and more, counting down the days until I am back in his arms. I spend my days thinking of ways to make myself a better person for him... physically, emotionally, and intellectually. All in all, I don't try to forget about him because he's what keeps me going; he's what keeps me strong enough to have heart in what I do. Let's face it, love is a powerful thing.

It's funny when I look back at the times when I barely noticed him, and he barely noticed me. We didn't even realize that we could possibly end up together one day. He once clearly put, if somebody told him back then that we would end up with each other, he would probably think that person is crazy. He sat so close to me in most of the classes we had together, but not once did we actually have a REAL conversation. I think the first time that I actually remember having some type of communication (other than dancing haha) with him was senior year... I handed him a note during health class asking how his road test was 'cause mine was coming up in a few days. He looked at me funny and had this look like, is this really for me?! LOL I told him I was freaking out 'cause I didn't think I would pass, and he assured me that I'll be okay `=). Even then, he had a way of making me feel better... even if I didn't realize it at the moment. I always found him cute... even freshman year. Yet, I never made a big deal about it because in my eyes, I THOUGHT we were friends... he just saw me as an ASSOCIATE lol. I guess I befriend people easily, and one interaction in my eyes means I'm friends with that person... to him, it takes more than one interaction to be friends HAHA.

I remember sophomore year when I had funny feelings for him... VERY LITTLE. I danced with him at a party... of course, he danced with other girls too, but I was the very persistent one. I didn't take anything by it 'cause after all, a dance was just a dance BACK THEN. The next day, we just went our separate ways and never really communicated until senior year. I just kinda sprung out of the blue at him. I saw him getting ready to go to practice for volleyball once and found myself physically attracted. Then it was almost like something in my gut said, talk to him and hang out more. I went with my feelings and didn't care what other people would think. It was the biggest leap of faith I ever took in my life. Everything from there went so quickly. I don't even really know how we started talking... maybe it was the boyfriend/babe pet name I had for him because of psych. Up until I REALLY REALLY liked him, I kept calling him boyfriend/babe. After that, I felt like it was inappropriate 'cause in my heart, I knew that those pet names meant something to me now... I knew I wanted to call him that forreal and it just wouldn't be right to continue calling him that if he didn't know my attraction towards him. So many things were going against us... it was almost like we were being tested to see how much we'd go through to be together. But you know what? It is the best decision I've ever made... the scariest leap of faith, but also the greatest. I thank my heart for taking control of my body because who knows what would've happened if I trusted my brain... I would have probably kept letting other people influence me.

I love our online conversations back then. I would rush to the computer just to talk to him, as he did with me. You know you're comfortable with someone when you could stay up for 3 hours talking about nonsense, even when there's school the next day. The first thing I'd do when it hit 8:10 on a school day was run from the gym to my locker to wait for him. I always laughed when he didn't get to do his hair... haha, that either meant he woke up late, or he wanted to see me sooner `=D muahahha. And then there'd be days where he'd wear the outfits I complimented him on to impress me... I didn't know it back then, but he eventually told me `=P. As psychotic as it sounds, I used to look at him from the TV in psych class (ironic huh?). When it's off, I could see his reflection hahaha. Everytime he said hi, he had this little smirk on his face... I call it the crooked smile `=). He is so frigging cute and I am VERY proud to call him MY boyfriend.

Enough mushy stuff... buh bies!

Happy Birthday to F4's F2... Poala Pena!!!
I love you missy!